Infidelity opens up the fact that your partner is a good liar and if they kept the cheating for this long they may have lied about other things.
The work trips, the “am going to the village” home trips to visit mum…were they even real, when he messaged he was stuck with work at office was he with her, was he in her bed..her arms, did they make fun of me, are the kids even mine, to begin with Junior is a bit slow could be he is not mine, no wonder we only get one round and he is tired I honestly thought it was work stress.
All these questions pop up with no answer…. how could I not see or even suspect it. The trust is broken and 95% of the time the relationship too.
You might be surprised to find out, however, that there can also be some shocking ways that cheating could actually benefit your relationship and ultimately your growth as an individual.
That’s right, there can actually be a bit of an upside to discovering that your partner has cheated on you. While it might be difficult to acknowledge this as advantageous right away, over time, some of these benefits can become clearer and you will be thankful.
From the way you approach relationships in the future to the way you communicate within your current relationship, there are some good things that can ultimately come out of what’s undoubtedly a terrible and devastating situation.
Anita lost who she thought was the love of her life to cheating, he cheated on her with her cousin. They weren’t that close with the cousin but she was family and it hurt like childbirth when she found out from a close friend.
Damian was this calm handsome guy she met at the movies(cinema), it was a love comedy with their seats next to each other, it felt like a date: Damian was a hopeless romantic and always watched chick flicks so they always went out to the movie dates, he was honest(or so she thought) God-fearing, generous(he always kept coins for street children), he had a well-paying job and a successful side business, he loved and respected his elders they were hopelessly in love.
That’s why it hurt when he cheated, she thought she knew him well. Stella a beautiful girl with a boyfriend of her own knew about the relationship between Anita and Damian but she still went out with him, Damian knew she was her cousin but it still didn’t stop him. She wouldn’t forgive either of them it was a betrayal.
For the longest time, Anita suffered over the betrayal and her love for Damian and it took her a year to completely be over him and five years to forgive Seera her cousin. After the cheating however Anita became emotionally stronger it was one of her greatest fears being betrayed like that, losing who she thought was the love of her life and it didn’t break her. She was alive, stronger and happily married with kids
It’s then that she noticed there were advantages to the cheating. She realized they had been on what felt like a 2-year long date, still keeping up appearances, still maintaining the, we have to be perfect in love facade.
This has to be done this way, they weren’t free with each other. They hadn’t even seen the worst of the other, neither had they had those almost break up quarrels only to get back stronger and closer, no makeup steamy hot sex, every day still felt like they were still on an interview.
With her new guy Anita felt stronger and less naive, she knew how to sniff out a lie, she also learned to communicate well with her husband especially when she was hurt about something, and she was now a warrior.
She loved with all her heart but still kept an open mind, she had faith in the relationship but also knew that if things didn’t work out she would be okay, if she survived Damian, she would survive anyone that includes her husband. She loved the fairy-tale of happy ever after but still kept an open mind and decreed that in life all is possible.
Overall she appreciated her husband for loving her truly and patiently, her husband loved her independence, he loved that every day he discovered something new about her, he loved her scares, he loved her honest and knew he had to be, her character inspired him to be a great mum, dad, husband every day.
Damian lost out on Anita and Seera too as Seera went back to her boyfriend. The only reason she cheated was to confirm that he is the one, apparently, he is the only man she had slept with and had to be sure she wasn’t missing out. Luckily Anita didn’t expose her, they married and have three awesome children.
Advantages to cheating may seem far-fetched but depending on how you look at things you may appreciate the cheating… It gives you valid reasons to leave a stale relationship, your partner may cheat because they noticed things were dull everywhere especially the bedroom but even with this it’s hard to disentangle your lives, to leave the routine you had with that person, and to sort out your feelings You can sometimes start second-guessing if ending things is the right thing to do even when things are dull. In such a case, finding out that you’ve been cheated on can validate that your decision to end the relationship and never look back.
If you choose to stay when you and your partner decide to stay in your relationship and attempt to work things out, you’ll probably need to work on your communication skills. In an interview with Reader’s Digest, Peggy Vaughan, an affairs expert and the author of The Monogamy Myth:
A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs said that the way to rebuild the trust in your relationship is to talk about the affair and the issues in your relationship especially the possible ones that led to the affair and answer any questions the other partner may have. You might think that it’s better to not know, but if more information about the affair or the events immediately before or after it comes out later, it can set you back.
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